I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I don’t do NaNoWriMo to reach 50,000 words and stop. I go until the novel is done. To me, the challenge is to write a full novel in 30 days. As in, a complete, but (very) rough draft. As in, a beginning, a middle, and an end.
As of tonight, I am at 70,000 words! However, as I look at the date, look at my manuscript, and look at my timeline of events (which is vague towards the end), I’m starting to worry that I may not finish this one on time.
I avoided a friend’s birthday party to stay home and write tonight. I feel terrible about it. I’ve cut back on almost all my time with my friends and church volunteering for this challenge, and I almost feel like it’s not enough. This novel I started to write might be a little too much. I think I may have bit off more than I can chew. I’m afraid I’m avoiding my friends only to have this end as a failure.
To the friends I’m ignoring this year…I’m sorry. I really am. Can I stop here and start hanging out again? Sure I can, but I will regret throwing in the towel as soon as it started looking harder. I don’t want to fail. I’m not giving up. I’m going to do what I can to type “The End” by the 30th.
Yes, in the eyes of most people and NaNoWriMo’s 50k amount, I will have succeeded. But unless I finish the novel, I won’t consider it a success. It will be my first failure if I do. I don’t want that to happen, so I will keep on writing. It’s starting to take it’s toll on me.
I’m just being honest about how I think things are going.
To my friends who are probably frustrated and annoyed that I’m not hanging out or celebrating with them, I’m sorry. As a victor or as a failure, you’ll see me in December, I promise.
Current word count for The Priest of Tears: 70,082/50,000!
Until I gain my confidence back,
Andrew Ronzino, Tired and Worried
P.S. I can do this.