A shift is needed…

NaNo Journal 2013 copy

Good evening, readers.

I was able to get a bit of good writing done today.  But do you know what’s hard?  Taking something that has no feelings and no way of expressing emotion and making it likeable and have the readers connect with it.

Star Trek: The Next Generation’s Data would be a great model for this, except for the fact that Data has a way to verbally communicate whereas the True Automaton in my story doesn’t have a functioning mouth.  I’m going to go into detail the True Automaton and its place in the story later on.  It’s been fun to write it, trying to make it likeable.  Like I said, I’ll go into details about that some time soon.

As for now, I have another small excerpt for you to read.  Again please remember that this is a vomit draft.

“Stop!” Kleverland shouted.

His yell was so loud that Saul slammed on the brakes.  Kleverland was out of the carriage before it had come to a complete stop.  Lucky for Saul, the road wasn’t that busy.  There weren’t any carriages behind him otherwise he would have gotten into an accident.

Saul looked over to see Kleverland rushing over to the sidewalk, where there was an African American gentleman in trouble.  He looked like he was choking on something and having trouble breathing.

Saul checked behind him, and saw that he had the only autonautical on the road, so threw the gear into park and hopped out.

Kleverland was preforming the Heimlich maneuver on the choking man, but it didn’t seem to be working.  There was a crowd gathering by now to see what was going on.  Kleverland called out to him.  “Saul, get my bag!”

Saul reached into the back seat and grabbed the doctor’s bag.  It was heavier than it looked.  He ran over to him and opened it.  There were several recognizable items inside, hermetically sealed syringes, a dozen glass bottles with liquids inside, some bottles of pills, a stethoscope, a few clockwork parts, and a bunch of other things that Saul could only guess as to their function.

The man passed out and Kleverland laid him down on the cement.  He opened his mouth and reached in.  After a few seconds he pulled out a little bit of hot dog.  He reached into the bag and looked up at Saul.  “Are there any hospitals nearby that use the Emergency Flare System?”  He pulled out a small flare gun from his bag.  It was pure white and had a black medical caduceus symbol on it, and directly underneath that was the red medical cross.

Saul knew of the EFS gun by education only, he had never seen one before.  The Emergency Flare System was enacted in most major hospitals several years ago.  It was a way of alerting hospitals of emergencies quicker than someone finding a phone booth and calling for help.  The EFS guns were only issued to medical doctors and licensed nurses.  It was illegal to be in possession of one without a medical degree.  They were designed for emergencies when doctors happened to be around.  They would shoot a yellow flare into the air, and a short ranged emergency aeronautical would make their way for the flare.  When a doctors hear the sirens of the emergency airship, they needed to send up the second flare so the pilot would know exactly where they were.  The Emergency Flare System was only really meant to be used when things called for drastic measures, and doctors on the road needed help immediately.

Saul nodded quickly.  “Yeah, one is fairly close by.”

Kleverland pointed the flare gun into the air and shot it with a loud piff.  The flare shot up several hundred feet, then burst in a bright sunburst of yellow.  He tossed the gun down and reached into the bag again.  This time he pulled out the stethoscope.  He put it on and started listening for the man’s heartbeat, while checking his wrist for a pulse.

Saul couldn’t help but notice the good doctor’s level of concentration.  It was the same as whenever he found himself working on a clockwork project.  Kleverland was intense, focused, and skilled at what he was doing.  His eyes show pure competence, and his hands showed expert movement.  He was as good with healing as Saul was with engineering.

Kleverland started giving him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, then preformed CPR on his chest.  After several long moments where Saul held his breath, the unconscious man came to, coughing.  There was a collective release of breath from the crowd who was watching, Saul was one of them.

Kleverland patted the man firmly on the back and said, “Breathe.  You’re going to be fine, just breathe.”  The man’s coughing slowed down, then stopped, but he continued to breathe heavily.

He looked up at his savior and said in a raspy, scared sounding voice, “W-what happened?”

“You were choking on a hot dog.  Lucky for you I happened to look over from the clockwork carriage.  I’m a doctor, and I just saved your life.”

-Excerpt from The Clockwork Heartbeat; Chapter 13, by Andrew Ronzino

I hope you enjoyed that.  Let me know what you think.  Have a great night.

Current word count for The Clockwork Heartbeat: 33,502/50,000!

Until the morning sun rises,

Andrew Ronzino, Man of Steel


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