A shift is needed…

NaNoWriMo Day 23: Pushed Away

So, last night, my co-author contacted me and told me that she started crying when she wrote her latest chapter of The Pharaoh.  What she was writing had emotionally touched her.  She was, in my opinion, writing with passion.  So I took it and I read it, and I even though I didn’t start to cry, it was really sad.  It was a part of the story we had planned out for a long time, and we felt like it needed to happen, and so last night she wrote it.  It was a point where Seti tells Husn that he doesn’t want to see her face before him again (he’s a Pharaoh, so he can say stuff like that).

Excerpt Number 4

So, I decided to let you read a small snippet of this scene.  So far, all of the excerpts posted here have been my own chapters, this will be the first of her personal writing featured here on The Paradigm.  Click here to visit her blog and leave her a comment: http://batpanda.wordpress.com/ So, here is the excerpt, and please keep in mind that this is a vomit draft:

It was all she could do to hold back the tears from falling. Her bottom lip trembled and she shook her head. “No, Seti..” Husn heard her voice break and she cleared her throat to try again, hoping to appear confident. “I am merely a very great and foolish pretender. I was afraid that everyone would think less of me. The last thing that I wanted was to be hated. So I let them all think I was a true seer. I never meant for it to go this far.”

His face went hard, a stony look washing over his features as she continued with her explanation. Just his expression was almost enough to make her stop right then. He was going to have her murdered. But she had committed herself this far. There was no way she could simply stop now.

“When you came to Per-Wadjet I was sure that they would recommend a different Oracle. One of the many other Priestesses who truly saw visions. Never once did I think that I would even meet you. I only ever wanted a simple life of serving the Gods.”

“Why?” A simple word but the anger in his eyes cut her deeply.

Husn turned away, she could not watch his face as she explained further. “I thought that I could give you what you wished and you would leave me alone. If such a thing were possible I would be able to go back to the Temple and spend the rest of my years there. I never meant for it to go this far.”

His hand pulled away from her back and she could feel him withdrawing from her, the sound of his footsteps crossing the room until they stopped. She heard him moving to sit in the single chair in the room.

Silence dragged on between them, painful and pulsing like a festering wound. She glanced over her shoulder to look at him but could see nothing more than a shadowy form hunched over in the elaborate chair in the corner. “I am sorry, Seti.”

“Sorry? You are sorry?” his voice took on all the anger and regality of a true Pharaoh. He had every right to be upset at her. But it did not mean she liked it. “Simply being sorry does not make anything better, Husn. I trusted you. You have betrayed me. I thought that I had finally come to understand who I was. But I was wrong.” He stood up from the chair, stiff and sudden. “You have shown me that I was right to seclude myself from everyone else, Oracle. No one can be trusted.” His gaze on her was hard, angry. But there was something else. For a moment she thought she saw the same type of sadness that she felt ripping through her entire being right then. But then it was gone. “You will leave, Husn. I wish never to see your face before me again. You have your life. What you have told me here I will keep in confidence. Now go.”

“Seti…” Her hand reached out for him, palm upturned. She loved him. But there was nothing…

He turned away from her with one quick, decisive movement. It was a clear and complete rejection. No words left his mouth and he stood with his back facing her. He did not move.

This was the end then.

-Excerpt from Chapter 29 of The Pharaoh by Elizabeth Hefty and Andrew Ronzino

I hope you enjoyed that, and if you didn’t, oh well, you’re loss.  :-)

Current word count for The Pharaoh: 55,847/50,000

Until next time,

Andrew Ronzino, AKA Ronzi


Comments on: "NaNoWriMo Day 23: Pushed Away" (1)

  1. […] you all know where you can take a look at it.  Maybe in a few days I’ll give you all another excerpt to read.  :-)  For now, I’m going to take a […]

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