I shall go over some of these with you, being from Long Island, New York. The stuff in parenthesis are comments I, myself am making. Enjoy
You know you’re from Long Island when….
1. Flip-flops are normal, even in January. (I have never done this, but I’ve seen it…a lot!)
2. You know exactly what they mean when they say “Don’t change at Jamaica.” (It’s true!)
3. You know that The Drift Inn and Neptunes are in the same building, but you also know that they are NOTHING alike.
4. Screw the SAT, you know the exact pronunciation of Islip, Wantagh, Commack, Mattituck, Shinnecock, Quogue, Ronkonkoma, Hauppauge, Mineola, Islandia, Massapequa, and Patchogue. (And I CAN pronounce all of them!)
5. You and your friends are going to the beach, but the word beach never comes up in the conversation. Instead, it sounds something like this…”Well, we could go to Jones, but Robert Moses is closer, the North Shore is too rocky…whatever let’s go to the Hamptons.” (Ummm…something like that anyway)
6. You have no idea what jimmies are, or why someone would want to put them on their ice cream. (We call them “sprinkles”)
7. You have never used “wicked” as an adjective. (But I have…after I moved to MI)
8. You know that Americana Manhasset is NOT a type of coffee.
9. You know that it’s possible to take Jericho all the way to Queens…but you would never EVER do it. (Cause the traffic on the Jericho SUCKS!)
10. Parallel parking in your drivers ed class was pointless…you only had to do it next to one car. (Yes. Yes I did.)
11. You live in the shadow of the greatest city in the world, but you almost never go there. (Once or twice a year…at best!)
12. When you’re away from Long Island, you love it and when you’re home, you don’t. (I’ve noticed this since I moved)
13. You think if you’re not from Long Island or NYC, you’re not really from New York. (LOL, I’ve said this before.)
14. You know the exact point at which Queens turns into Nassau simply on intuition. (It’s creepy)
15. You don’t go to Manhattan, you go to “The City.” (True)
16. You never realize you have an accent till you leave. (People told me when I first moved that I had an accent…but I didn’t believe them)
17. Everything north of the Bronx is “upstate.” (True)
18. At some point in your life you’ve gone clamming. (Not I)
19. Either your parents or your grandparents lived in the city. (Ummm…not really, but close to it)
20. You’d pay $11.50 for a movie. (And that’s the matinée price!)
21. You don’t live in Long Island. You live ON Long Island. (True)
22. You know where the Commack Motor Inn is. (My dad does)
23. Your distant future might involve the state of Florida. (No me, I hate Florida)
24. You know the location of 6 malls and a dozen McDonalds and 36 7-11’s. (True)
25. You’ve tried to find the Amityville Horror house. (Nope, but myabe I will some day, I know where Amityvill is!)
26. No, you don’t want mustard on that burger!! (Heck no!)
27. You can’t understand why a diner would ever close. (Yep.)
28. You’ve had a seagull poop on your car. (Too many times)
29. You don’t really see the big deal about the Hamptons, unless you got smashed at the Boardy Barn. (False)
30. You know White Castle is terrible for you and it gives you a stomach ache, but you periodically “Get the Crave.” (This is my dad, not me!)
31. You want the Yankees to stay in the Bronx, but would probably go to more games if they moved to Manhattan. (Safer!)
32. You think that somehow, the Jets and Giants still play in New York.
33. You’ve missed that “Drunk Train,” the 2:42 out of Penn, and had the dreaded wait until 5:30. (Nope)
34. You or someone you know has owned an animal that came from North Shore Animal League.
35. You’ve never taken an MTA bus.
36. The Long Island Expressway isn’t really as bad as everybody thinks. (Sunrise is worse)
37. You don’t associate Fire Island with gay men. (men)
38. You know which parts of the Godfather were filmed on Long Island. (Yep)
39. You’ve paid a $10 cover charge to get into a bar, but got nothing for it. (Nope….I didn’t)
40. You miss whiffle ball and running through sprinklers. (I do!)
41. Billy Joel said it best, “Either you date a rich girl from the North Shore, or a cool girl from the South Shore.” (I think so)
42. You have or someone you know has fallen asleep on the LIRR and ended up in one of these three places; Babylon, Port Washington or Hicksville. (LOL, I think I have, yes)
43. You know that there is a big different between any of the other Hamptons, and Hampton bays. (Don’t confuse the two)
44. The Belt Parkway sucks! (Heck yes it does!)
45. You’ve been stuck in a traffic jam for more than 2 hours (without moving). (YES! UGGGGGG!)
46. Your parents took you to All American, Nathans or Carvel (on the way home from the beach). (I LOVE CARVEL!!!!!!)
47. You don’t have to go far to see your family. (True)
48. You remember Grumman. (I live like two miles from Gumman!)
49. You know the color of the water at Jones Beach is not BLUE! (Gross, but true)
50. You were upset when all the Roy Rogers turned into Wendy’s and Arby’s closed for good. (That happened too long ago…I just don’t care)
51. You can spout off all the LIRR stops between Penn Station and Ronkonkoma. (I can’t, but a lot of people can)
52. Paying $35 for a haircut doesn’t sound so crazy. (Nope)
53. You think the people from Brooklyn are “da wunz dat tawk wit a accent.” (They dwo!)
54. You went sledding in the sumps.
55. You knew of Massapequa before the Amy Fisher-Joey Buttafuoco nightmare.
56. You think going to Queens is a hike. (LOL!)
57. The first time you heard the term “Long Island Iced Tea” you were somewhere else and you laughed. (Yep)
58. When you live somewhere else and are astounded to see that people actually stop at yellow lights. (LOL, TRUE!)
59. Its rare to get really bad bagels or pizza on Long Island, almost as rare as it is to get good bagels and pizza anywhere else. (I can’t stress enough how true this one is!)
60. You can name at least three bands that came from Long Island.
61. You’ve partied in the woods at least once in your life.
62. You know what Pilgram State and Sweet Hallow Road are…and you are NEVER going again
63. You are never more then 20 minutes away from the water. (True)
64. You have been to at least one concert at Jones Beach. (Yes, I have!)
65. When you hear “the end”, you think Montauk. Orient Point never crosses your mind. (This is also true)
66. Wandering around Fire Island trashed is an acceptable plan for any night. (Not for me, but okay!)
67. Doing 90 over the Robert Moses bridge or on Ocean Parkway is perfectly fine.
68. When you say that you are going to “the outlets”, Tanger is implied. (LOL! Yes, yes, YES!)
69. You have a friends who swears they saw Billy Joel somewhere in Oyster Bay. (I did, yes. LIARS!)
70. When people ask “where are you from?” you answer Long-Guy-Land and automatically assume everyone in the world knows that answer means New York. (Maybe)
71. You’ve seen the commercials, and you’ve craved their shakes, but you know darn well there are no DQ’s or Sonics on Long Island. (True)
72. You remember all the good times had at Nunleys, and the emotional distress it caused when it was closed down. (Oh my gosh! I forgot about that place. It WAS fun…and WAS sad when it closed!)
73. When you or someone you know attends SUNY Albany, Buffalo, or Binghamton. (Yep!)
74. (I’m adding this one myself!) When you can tell someone exactly how many minutes from The Duck you are! (And I can…about 36!)
There’s more…but I don’t feel like searching them out. Thanks for reading!
-Andrew “Ronzi” Ronzino